your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
