Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We are two peas in an std pod
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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