can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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