I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
