How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
