but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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