Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
