peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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