it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
