Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think i got beer on your cat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize