Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
