I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
