maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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