I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
