I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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