end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize