I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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