her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
