Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
