You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
