I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
