I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
