After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
