There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
