dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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