when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
