how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
