I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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