I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
