hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
