living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
