oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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