Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
