So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
