I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
