Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
