YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
