Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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