well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
