I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
