Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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