I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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