I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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