god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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