I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
