sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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