When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I believe in your delicious
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
