So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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