the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
