I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
