Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
