How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
