garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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