I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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