Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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