seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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