I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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