Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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