Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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