My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
