Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
