his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
