what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize