i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
