DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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