Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
