i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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