the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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