dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
