Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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