He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
