dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
