i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
