he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
