WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
