there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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