Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
