i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
