You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize