Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
