It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
