Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
