a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
