Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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