I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
