We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Even my vagina gasped.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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