He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Come on in and take your pants off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
