She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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