If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
