You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize