we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
