Don't you send me to vm
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
