I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
