what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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