i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
