I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
