You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
