Your tits are I can't wait for
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
