Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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