Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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