So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
