I want to walk on stilts...naked
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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