How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
