They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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