I just saw a hot homeless man
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
